I Can Try New Things

We say it all the time..."I can do hard things". But how often do we really challenge ourselves and do things that scare us? I VERY RARELY do things that scare me. I don't like it. I like being in my world of motherhood and housekeeping and being a wife. I like my comfort zone. Some would say that becoming a mom is doing something that scares you. Motherhood certainly does challenge me, but I was not afraid to become a mom. Not one bit. I felt as prepared as I could be. I had babysat and been a nanny for 6 years. I had watched my 5 older sisters be mothers and felt I could do it. I was not afraid. Naive? Ab-so-lute-ly. But not afraid.

Cut to having a toddler who is learning to do new things. Some of those things scare her. And when those moments arise, I naturally, (out of empathy) want to let her shy away and try it another day. But thankfully, my husband knows how to lovingly encourage her to try it anyway. She was nervous to play soccer. I would have been fine letting her stand around and not try to get the ball. My husband worked with her at practice, at games, and in his limited spare time at home, not to be afraid of the ball. By the end of 6 weeks, she was running for the ball! She played goalie for her 5th game,VOLUNTARILY. Would that have happened with me at the helm of soccer? Nope. Not a chance.

I grew up afraid to try out for teams. Nervous as all get out to perform anything. All I did was choir and student council. I wanted to be in a musical. I signed up to audition, and waited for my turn in the hallway for an hour. When the person 2 slots ahead of me went in, I ran up, crossed my name off the list, and went home. I was 17. And I was terrified of embarrassment, failure, or even not being the best. I only wanted to do things I knew I was good at. I didn't think I was a good student, so I had a very hard time doing my best and getting good grades. I didn't think I was very athletic, so I just played football with my brothers at home. The list goes on and on because we simply cannot be good at everything.

Now, I am pregnant with my third child, 26 years old, and my husband is in graduate school. I am back in school (online) to get a Bachelor's degree in Marriage and Family Studies. This. Terrifies. Me. I am wrapping up Spring semester on Monday, and then I will attend again in the fall. Three weeks after this baby is born. I really want to back out. I want to defer for at least one semester, and get my footing as a mother of 3 before continuing my education. Why? Because I am afraid of new and hard things. I have convinced myself since I was in 5th grade that I am only street smart. I'm not a good student and I have to work harder than most people. So? So what?! Why have I let this belief about myself hold me back for so long? Who cares if I have to work harder? I can still do it!

So in the fall, when I am juggling 3 kids and an online course load, I'll remember my 4 year old playing soccer and shying away from the ball. Then I'll remember her in that goal, blocking the ball with absolute confidence. I'll remember I can do hard things. I can try new things. And even if I'm not the best...even if it takes a lot of work...I can do it. And everything will be OK! And I'll still be thankful for the things my toddler taught me.

Love Doesn't Discriminate

I had just made a Target run for a few items. It was dinner time and my kids were cranky and hungry. "Hangry", if you will.

I was rushing to get them in the car so we could hurry home and figure out what to eat for dinner. As I pulled up to the stop sign in the parking lot, there was a man asking for money. His sign said that he had a family and that they had lost everything. Anything will help. Initially, I felt sorry for him, then I wondered if he actually needed the money. Or if he did need money, but would spend it on drugs or alcohol. I shouldn't risk it, right? We live off of student loans right now. It doesn't make sense to give him money.

Then, right as I was about to drive past him, I looked back at my toddler. She saw him and she got a big smile on her face and waved to him. He smiled and waved back to her. In that moment, something in my heart knew that this man needed whatever I could give. 

I stopped and gave him just $3. He was so grateful. Thrilled, even. He thanked me profusely, telling me that his family was hit by a drunk driver who didn't have insurance. They had lost everything to pay medical as well as auto expenses. They were now living out of their car. He, his wife and son...living in their car. And here I was, not 5 minutes prior, frustrated and irritable over making dinner when I got home.

But I have food. I have a home. My family is heathy and safe. All of this happened because I saw in my little girl, the ability to see past outward appearances. She didn't care that he needed a hot shower and dental care. She didn't care. She still smiled and waved. So why don't I do that anymore? Yes, there are some who are dishonest, who don't need the money, and taint our ability to have charity. But if I had just taken a minute, I would have had that same feeling. That he needed help. 

I also knew I needed to be an example of charity, love and concern for my daughter. I want her heart to stay loving and kind. I don't want the world to harden her heart towards those who are less fortunate. I am grateful for her reminder, to smile and view everyone as a person whom we can help. I'm grateful for the things my toddler teaches me.